new month! also now is the time i told myself i would start working on the future! oh no! but it's all about taking small, concrete steps. and i feel very ready for it. my mental health is the best its been in months and though i'm riddled with doubt, it's time i start in. there's a lot of work ahead, but i can do it. i should make a to do list. then bring my laptop to a coffee shop and spend time working on things. i think that's a monday thing. today i work, and am running off four hours of sleep, so it can wait until monday. and that's okay.

yesterday started out rough. hungover and not very well rested. but work turned out okay in the end. got through the day with little trouble. i do think i finally hit my point of realizing i don't love daria as a co worker. she just introduces this sort of chaotic energy. she also doesn't know the exact ways we do everything and so things are misplaced a lot, and things aren't done the exact way that everyone else does them. and i find conversation with her sort of difficult, so i have to spend the day avoiding getting into conversation. hopefully she'll learn. who knows. don't care. i clock in, then i clock out and it's all water off a duck's back.

still haven't heard from emma. this now marks three weeks. so fucking stupid. whatever. i haven't really talked to abby since either, and honestly that's whatever too. i get the feeling lola and i are going to drift apart too, and while that makes me sad, it is what it is. i don't really know how to fight it. i don't know how to maintain close friendships. that's okay.

had another date with jerry last night that went really well. we went to elliott bay then back to my place. again had incredible sex then spent an hour just naked in bed talking before i realized i was way past my bedtime. i really like him, i'm looking forward to seeing him again.

work today, then grocery shopping, then haircut. hopefully a nap in between, who knows. of course now that i'm cutting the mullet off my hair has looked the best it's looked ever. always happens.

feeling a strange sort of melancholy wash over me just now. i don't know if it's the lack of sleep two nights in a row or if i'm feeling a tragic pang over my inability to maintain close friendships. but i refute that, i do have close friendships, they're just not codependent. who cares, it's not a train of thought i care to mull over this morning. i'm just tired. fuck daylight savings by the way. all my homies hate daylight savings.

i think i'm going to take a break from blogging/journaling for a while. i've been bad about studying french the past few weeks and this is a perfect time in my schedule to fit it in. i've also realized that recently this has become almost entirely perfunctory. i'm sure i'll appreciate having a log of my life for these months, and maybe in the future if/when i pick it up again. but for now, i feel no need for it. and i really need to study more.